1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
