so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
