hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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