dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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