I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
