The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
