Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
