i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
they're like a gay fantastic four
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
