My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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