Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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