My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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