I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
