i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Randomize
