I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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