If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
