so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
