do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
