We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Boobs speak an international language.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
