Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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