Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
