I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
