he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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