just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
