did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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