Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
