i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
