I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
