You work out of a Hotel?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
