...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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Also, beer. Big fan.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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