if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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