I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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