Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
