my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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