John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
