I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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