How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
