Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
