the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
