idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
