So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
