walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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