it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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