My girlfriend figured out who you are.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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