Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
