I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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