it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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