I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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