Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
