oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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