I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
