It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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