SEEEEXXX PLEASE
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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