Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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