whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
