So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
