Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
