She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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