he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
