he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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