You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
