Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
