Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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