"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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