By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
