I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
