apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
