i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's always time for handjobs
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
