When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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