I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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