Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My vagina just clenched in fear
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
