Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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