I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
