Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
