for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
