I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
