He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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