your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
