HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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