from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
